Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Amazing Race 22 - Premiere Episode Feb 17/13

Business in the Front, Party in the Back

Los Angeles, CA, Griffiths Observatory serves as the starting line to this season of the Amazing Race.
They show the teams having to run up the winding hillside to the observatory as Phil introduces them:
Everyone is smiling and running fine except...
Chuck & Wynona - The curly mullet and his bleach blonde wife - he's doing alright on the hill but she's struggling - this is my team everyone so they better not be out first (I'm just saying.) Married 15 years from Alabama - he says they are a cross between redneck and country (I don't think the distinction is very clear there) - he asks what's a mullet? but considers it his Samson hair, it is his power (I for one welcome our mullet overlords :))  He also loves taxidermy (ew).
Bates & Anthony - former and still professional hockey players with the Carolina Hurricanes - Bates never won the Stanley Cup but now he has a new goal - to win the Amazing Race.  They are physically fit and "super good looking", Anthony says while smiling with his hockey teeth (meaning he has no front teeth.)  (Hold on, there's a mullet and a team of hockey players, are we sure this isn't the Canadian Amazing Race?)
Mona & Beth - working moms from Colorado.  They are soccer moms and also Roller Derby Girls... they are going to kick some *ss on the race.
Max & Katie - Newlyweds from Buffalo, NY.  They've only been married 3 weeks so the Race is their honeymoon (and he's got to be letting her choose his clothes still cause that is a mighty hot pink and purple plaid shirt... yikes.)  She's super competitive, he calls her his bulldog... maybe the shirt was his idea, he seems like he would have rather had a traditional honeymoon and she wants to stomp some teams into the ground.
Dave & Connor - Father and son from Salt Lake City, Utah.  They are best friends and both are cancer survivors - son with testicular cancer and dad with prostate cancer... and they show them both riding bikes - I guess those areas are all good now. (Oh man, dad got all choked up talking about it... old man crying, gets me every time.)  Connor is in remission and is a professional cyclist (huh, does all the doping cause ball cancer - I can't help but draw the comparison to you-know-who.)
-They realize every day is a gift and will take that attitude while running the race.
Jessica & John - dating couple...(AH! He has no eyebrows... oh wait, they are just super blonde, creepy.)  They've been dating for 4 years, they've talked about marriage but he doesn't think they need to rush (4 years dude, that's not rushing) and she just wants to wear the white dress instead of the bridesmaid dress for once. (Oh yeah, that's going to keep coming up.)
Idries & Jamil - twins and doctors from Chicago - they are both OB/GYNs and it looks like they work together too - that's a lot of twin time. 
Pam & Winnie - best friends - tough girls who don't look like tough girls - they are single but not looking for love - one of them (I have no idea who is who) says, "Unless you have a million dollars taped onto your body, I'm not touching you." (Wow, way to have your priorities straight... I don't think I like her already.)
Joey & Meghan - U-Tube sensations from Hollywood - they have over a million follows on their U-Tube channel and they may be dismissed as the cute team but make no mistake, they are competitive "team cute, activate" (gag me.)
Matt & Daniel - best friends and firefighters from South Carolina - they have known each other and worked at the same station for years - being a team for so long and knowing that other person has
your back will really work to their advantage.
Caroline & Jennifer - country singers from Nashville TN - members of Steely Angels - they are single and looking for love in all the wrong places (how bout a couple geeky firefighters?  I don't think the Race is the place for you two to find love.)

They finally reach Phil at the top of the Observatory - he tells them they are going somewhere the Race has never been before and the team that wins the first leg of the Race will win the Express Pass as well as a second Express Pass they can give to another team.  That could be huge.  They have until the end of the 4th leg to make the decision to which team they will give the 2nd Express pass.
(There's the new twist this year - that could be interesting, kick starting the alliance making right away.)
-Their first clue is inside the all new *Product Placement* Ford Fusions in the parking lot... they have to run back down to the parking lot, choose a car and drive to the airport.  GO!

-Chuck wipes out with their packs and nearly takes out a roller derby mom with him - Wynona is bringing up the rear (sheesh, I don't have a good feeling about my chances - but I have to believe in the power of the mullet.)

-The car tells them they are heading to Bora Bora ... oh, so pretty.  The huts over the crystal blue water - Yes, Please!  There are two flights heading out tonight, only room for 5 teams on the first flight that lands 1 hour before the 2nd.  Everyone wants to be on the first flight (obviously.)

Los Angeles International Airport - Chuck & Wynona are the first team there (woo!) they get a shuttle to themselves.  The Twin Doctors (Idries & Jamil) and Asian girlfriends (Pam & Winnie) are on a shuttle together and the twins tell the girls they're delivery men then chuckle (clever) but Winnie's smart and she calls them on it - "Are you lying?" She thought they looked too smart - and they come clean and ask Pam to keep her pants on... ha, ha.
-Hockey players are flirting with the Country singers, oh, that could be a good match for the girls looking for love.
-Chuck & Wynona are first, then it's the Twin doctors, Asian girlfriends, Cancer Dad & Son, and Albino guy & Put-a-ring-on-it girlfriend are the 5 teams on the first flight.
-Pam & Winnie are working a strategic angle already with the two express passes in play they are all being nice to each other and playing get to know you in the airport.  They learn that Dad, Dave has a fear of heights and one of the twins is afraid of water (they are African American - just saying.) 

-Newlyweds are bummed to be on the 2nd flight with Hockey players, Country Singers, Roller derby, Firefighters and team U-Tube... they set out to go make friends and Max tells the camera Katie's like-ability factor is low (dude, this is your new wife) but she agrees, she doesn't have many friends in life and she doesn't care (can you say b*tch on wheels?) She put on her best fake face and suffered through so many horrible conversations, it was brutal. (OMG, she is horrible... this could be fun.)

First flight arrives in Tahiti, and they all get lei'd - the twins propose to all five teams there that they agree that the first team will just give the 2nd express pass to the second team that comes in - awkward crickets... then Dad Dave says it seems fair and then they all agree, it takes some of the pressure off - then they decree, first rule of flight one, you don't talk about the alliance of flight one. (We'll see if that lasts.)

First flight arrives in Bora Bora and they all run off the plane to the clue box on the the beach ROADBLOCK- Who's ready to take a giant leap towards a million bucks? 
-First they must sign up for one of six helicopter flights that can carry a maximum of two teams - then they must jump out of the helicopter in a tandem skydive while their partner takes a water taxi to the landing area where they'll reunite and receive the next clue (Skydiving?  I feel a little sick - but wow, what a view!  Bora Bora is gorgeous.)
-Winnie is going to do it, along with Jamil, Blond eyebrows (John?), Connor and Chuck/mullet (who is now if 5th place - Come on!)
-John and Jamil are on the first helicopter... and then John JUMPED OUT (I bet it was fantastic but it made me shudder to watch.)
-John lands and they get the clue to make their way by water taxi to Eden Beach - they take off running as Jamil is coming in for his landing.

-Connor is the next to go and Dave gets choked up talking about Connor's cancer again - he is so glad his son is so strong and he made it through cancer to have this awesome experience.
-Winnie jumps without issue but she's bitter she can't eat gross stuff so has to do the heights. 
-And when Chuck/the mullet jumps they play banjo music... Hahaha.

-John & Put-a-ring-on-it (Jessica) get to Eden beach and get the clue for another ROADBLOCK - Who likes to play in the sand? (The team member that did not do the first task must do this one.)
-They have to search under the 400 small sandcastles on the beach until they find a clue buried in the sand.  The catch is that they are under the scorching sun and every sandcastle they destroy they have to rebuild before carrying on.
-Jessica gets started and she's not happy.  It's HOT out there and it's so disappointing when there is no clue and you have to rebuild the castle.

-Flight #2 has arrived in Bora Bora and they are deciding who is jumping out of the helicopter.  Caroline, Anthony - Matt, Max - Mona, Meghan.  Mona screwed up when she signed herself up by skipping the 2nd space and starting at the next flight but Super B*tch Katie noticed and told Max to take the earlier space (Oh yeah, there is no hope of that chick making friends.)
-And they are jumping.  Roller derby moms are disheartened to be on the last helicopter as is Meghan, she doesn't want all the prep to be for naught if they go home first.

-Back at the sandcastle beach, Idries is spending too much time rebuilding the castles and not enough time digging in Jamil's opinion.  4 teams are digging now and none of them have found a clue yet.

-Caroline screamed all the way down while skydiving (that can't be good for the voice) but she tells us she's related to Daniel Boone and has the pioneering spirit, she wants to try it all.

-Chuck and Wynona are not at the beach yet because they can't find the marked path... they start harassing some poor local woman trying to grind her coconut - and we learn that Chuck is a shift manager at Walmart, he thinks this gives him experience dealing with all walks of life... uh, sure.  They finally see everyone else at the beach, "Oh shoot, we didn't go far enough."  And instantly Wynona is complaining at the backbreaking sandcastle building.

-Put a Ring on it/Jessica finally finds a clue and they are the first team to move on.  The clue tells them they have to attach an outrigger to a canoe then paddle one mile to the PIT STOP, the Motu Cafe.

Final teams are jumping out of the helicopter as John & Jessica tip over their outrigger canoe.  Apparently, the canoe is not very stable and they have to concentrate and remain balanced to remain in the boat... that seems almost cruel, can't they just catch a taxi to the Pit Stop?

-Hockey brothers are so alike, they are almost the same person - they do the same things, eat the same things - it's almost like they finish each others... sandwiches (Ha! And they're comedians too!)

Back at 'sandcastle hell', there are still 4 teams there when the hockey guys and country singer girls get there... Idries is miserable, Wynona is still complaining and Hockey brother Bates finds a clue right away (Oh, that is so not fair!)
-The rest of the teams start arriving and Super B*tch has to do this one... we'll see how she fairs in the blazing sun.

-Bates & Anthony are now paddling to the Pit Stop and all of the other teams are busy destroying and building sandcastles.  U-Tube guy is acting all crazy, jumping around to the ukulele - the heat hasn't broken him yet like it has Idries, Dave and Wynona.
-Dave says all the castles has been gone through and there still has to be 9 clues there - the only thing he can think of is that they didn't dig deep enough and, voila! he finds a clue!
-Roller Derby Mom Beth is the next one to find a clue - she's all quiet about it but inside was thanking Jebus!
-Dad & Connor are canoeing to the Pit Stop.
-Pam finally finds a clue in the sand.
-U-Tube guy/Joey is doing voices and constantly talking - further driving Idries mad - when U-Tube guy finds a clue and starts jumping up and down and shrieking at the top of his lungs - he is SOO Annoying!
-Idries & Jamil finally find a clue and then they have to deal with the boat and their fear of water... these two, I swear.
-Wynona is dreaming of vodka & cranberry after this when she finally finds a clue in the sand.
-The Twins are paddling the canoe when the outrigger starts to come undone and they are tipped in the water - one of them loses his glasses to boot.  Chuck & Wynona paddle on by.

-And then there were three teams left on Sandcastle Hell beach - none of them seem to be digging under the castles, just looking right on the sand... we have Country singers, Firefighters and Super B*tch Newlyweds... Max is the first one to suggest taking the penalty and Katie says she's in if they all take it.  So that is a 4 hour penalty and they will have to race to the Pit Stop to see who is last.
-Matt & Daniel agree cause they canoe all the time and Daniel's sure they'll win the canoe race.
-The Country singers and Newlyweds all agree, they can't do the sandcastles anymore - so another pact is born - and they take off running for the outriggers.
-Matt & Daniel are the first out.  Newlyweds next and the country singers... Firefighters tip the canoe and the others fly right by... uh oh.
-Firefighters are pouring it on to catch up and... they tip the canoe again.

Here's How they Finished:
1) John & Jessica - They win the Express Pass and a second pass to share with another team.  They did agree to give the 2nd pass to the next team in their alliance that came in but they also don't just want to hand an advantage to another team... John says, "we'll see how it plays out." (The Doctor's will hate you if you don't keep with the pact.)
2) Bates & Anthony - disappointed not to be first and get the Express Pass but, come on - #2 is great.
3) Dave & Connor - They are happy with team #3, they hope John & Jessica are going to stick to their word and give them the 2nd Express Pass.
4) Pam & Winnie - Yay
5) Mona & Beth - Ecstatic to come from last place to finish 5th.
6) Joey & Meghan - Over exaggerated excitement. (I have a feeling that is Joey's standard speed.)
7) Chuck & Wynona - to banjo music - Phil says he just has to talk about Chuck's hair, they've never had hair like that on the Amazing Race.  Chuck, "It's business up front and party in the back."
8) Idries & Jamil - It's better than last, they are just glad to be done the digging and rigging.
9) Max & Katie - Newlyweds/Super B*tch just seconds before...
10) Caroline & Jennifer - Phil tells both teams that they will serve their 4 hour penalty before the beginning of the second leg - so they will leave 4 hours later than the time they arrived today.
-Max & Katie think they are genius convincing everyone to take the penalty, in their diabolical minds they did what they needed to to service.
11) Matt & Daniel - **ELIMINATED** - they left it on the table and Bora Bora won.  They never thought they would lose canoeing and to be beat by two blonde girls, they are never going to hear the end of this in the firehouse.

And with Matt & Daniel leaving us first, Don T., Nenad M., Kevin & Elaine, Oliver W and Tommy D. get their money back.

Next week: Jessica & John flex their Express Pass power, putting Dave & Connor and the rest of the first flight alliance under a gag order, if breached the agreement will be null & void.  Connor is not happy. And Dave may have ruptured his Achilles... Bora Bora is proving really challenging or these teams are wimps.

Have a great week everyone,

Coleen

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