Huger Than Huge
The three remaining teams - Brent & Caite, Jet & Cord and Dan & Jordan will race for the Million dollars - starting out from Shanghai...
-Brent & Caite are the first team out at 2:37am - get the clue that they'll have to fly 6Kmi to San Francisco, California. Once there they had to make their way to Battery Godfrey, a little known stronghold overlooking the Golden Gate Bridge, where their next clue awaits. Brent says it's been great travelling the world but they can't wait to get back to the States.
-Cowboys next out at 3:11am - Cord says they've never won a competition together so winning this with his brother & best friend would be pretty awesome. Jet says he doesn't know if he was more excited to be in the final three or heading back to the States.
-Brent & Caite get to the airport and the marked ticket counter - sign says the flight out to San Fran will be at 10:45am - Brent - Holy Schmoly we have a long time to wait. The Cowboys show up and they jokingly try to direct them somewhere else - they all hunker down for the wait.
-Dan & Jordan are the last heading out at 6:00am - Jordan is so excited to be heading to San Francisco - very gay-friendly place, that's good for him. Dan - this is the Super bowl of the Amazing Race and they have the athletic talent and brain power to win.
-So the Brothers show up at the airport - Brent & Caite are against the wall, Cord is lying on the ground getting some shut eye and Jordan puts his pack down between Brent & Caite and Cord - He figures he's now second in line (WHAT AN A-HOLE!) When the ticket counter opens, Brent & Caite are checking in and Jordan's standing there right behind them - the Cowboys can't believe he's actually thinking he's checking in before them - He says he put his pack down, he's next in line. The Cowboys start talking to each other about what they'd like to do to him - throw him across the airport, kick his ass - but they won't actually lay hands on him - they expect people to have integrity but that's not always the case - Jordan is just rolling his eyes and keeping his back to them - he has no intention of moving. (I would be livid - actually, I wouldn't have let his pack stay where he put it - screw that! I'm quite the line-up Nazi - don't ever try to budge in front of me in line.) Hopefully sweet Karma will come for them.
-Jordan, while checking in says to the camera that it's a game and that's how it's played - "You can hate the game all you want, just don't hate the player." (Wow, that is not how everyone plays the game - I guess that's how he's justifying it to himself but me-thinks he knows how crappy that move was.)
-Jet says it was a wake up call for him - these people don't care about people, they just care about money.
-Dan - We haven't done a dirty thing this whole race but this is the final three - No one is helping anyone anymore - those days are done. They're all on the plane and Dan has a brainwave - to move up to First Class (are they allowed to do that? I guess they're just not allowed to buy first class tickets.) He talks to a stewardess and they get moved to first class - they're going to be the first ones off the plane.
-They land and Dan & Jordan are the first out by a long shot - Dan says, "This is huger than huge, all the money's on the table, baby."
-Brent & Caite are the next out and the Cowboys are the last in the cabs, as usual.
-Dan & Jordan get to the first clue and it's a riddle - they have to figure out their next destination is Coit Tower - a historic landmark in San Francisco. They ask their cab driver if he knows what the riddle is talking about - he doesn't know.
-Brent & Caite's cab driver doesn't know where they need to go - they hop out at a map to look for the Battery.
-The Cowboys' cab comes upon Brent & Caite, see they're not at the clue but looking at a map and they drive past them - made up a place - whooo!
-Dan & Jordan still trying to solve the riddle - ask a guy on a bike and he knows right away - Jordan says people that ride bikes are smart, it's a general rule (sure.) They head off for Coit Tower.
-Brent & Caite are having more of a language barrier with their Asian cab driver in San Francisco than they did in China - both of them are freaking out a bit, snapping at each other.
-Cowboys get to the cluebox and read the riddle. They had bought a book in the Shanghai airport - a travellers guide to San Francisco and Cord knows that was in the book - they take off for Coit Tower - Good book investment!
-Brent & Caite's driver is still lost - the Cowboys cab passes them going the other way and their driver wants to help but they stop him - "this is a race, we don't want them to find it." "Oh, really?"
-Brent & Caite's driver takes them to a dead end and they literally freak out - she calls him a dumbass and screams for him to turn around, Brent tells her to shut up and she starts crying - they're still lost.
-Dan & Jordan get to the tower and they can see a clue fluttering from one of the windows at the top of the Tower - they head inside and get the clue for the ROADBLOCK. One team member must make a completely vertical climb up the outside of the tower using a vertical ascender (up a rope), once at the top they'll grab the clue then be lowered back down the rope to the ground.
-Dan is going to do it for them - he's more athletic and not petrified of heights.
-Cowboys almost to the Tower - so excited their hearts are pumping - about to shake out of their shoes - Oh My Gravy.
-Caite's yelling at the cab driver - Battery Godfrey, Dumbass! Brent - You're not helping.
-Dan's climbing and he's getting there - but he's also getting tired, starting to slow down. The Cowboys get to the Tower and Cord's going to do the task for them. They see Dan's almost to the top - Jet - You can catch him. (If anyone can, it's one of the cowboys.)
-Brent & Caite finally get to the Clue box - We've got to rock & roll through everything now.
-Dan gets the clue and is back down before Cord's even started (Damn Safety First!)
-Next clue tells them to find the Yoda Fountain - it's located at Lucas Films, home of Industrial Light & Magic. (Yes, it's THAT Yoda - Star Wars geek-gasming a little.)
-Cowboys say "Bye Guys" as they run by but the Brothers ignore them - "Huh, not very talkative are they" - "Kind of pissy."
-Dan & Jordan jump in their cab - the driver doesn't know where the Yoda fountain is but they ask him to get moving and to call in and ask on the go.
-Cord starts up the ropes - he's doing pretty well but it's tough going for him too - it's all arms - Oh My Gravy.
-Brent & Caite stop at a business/hotel and ask them the riddle - find out it's Coit Tower. Back in the cab Brent says - Let's just shut up and let him go.
-Brothers get to Lucas Films and the clue box which is surrounded by storm troopers and Darth Vader (Cool) The teams must now join forces with Industrial Light & Magic (ILM) - one team member must put on a motion capture suit and enter the sound stage - their partner will direct them through a series of levels inside a virtual world and lead them to their next clue. Dan's going to be the director and Jordan the searcher - they are led away by storm troopers.
-Cord gets to the top of the tower and gets the clue - "Hot Dog - Riding bulls is a lot easier than that was - that'll wear your arms out."
-Brent & Caite are on their way to the Tower, hoping they're not too far behind everyone.
-Dan is in the director's area in front of a computer screen with a head set on - Jordan gets suited up in a skinny suit with balls all over it - (The Geek factor is completely lost on them. Dan's not a gamer and Jordan's never seen Star Wars - This task would be so cool!)
So they start - Dan is giving Jordan directions but forgets to tell him to stop and Jordan's just trucking along - going out of bounds - they have to start over. Dan tells him they're going to do this right, go slow - Jordan tells him to give him good directions then.
-Cowboys get to the Yoda Fountain and Jet seems to know a bit, recognizes that their escort are Storm Troopers - "at least we're well protected." (He doesn't drink beer but he knows Star Wars, I guess there is some hope for them after all :) Jet's getting suited up and Cord goes to the director's cubicle - he hears Dan directing Jordan and just starts pretending he's directing Jet - calling out ballet moves, spin! Dan's confused then trying to block Cord out (Cord is such a little stinker! But they did deserve it.)
-Dan's pissed off - he looks around like he wants someone to tell Cord to stop it - (It's a game bro, don't hate the players.) Dan & Jordan complete level one.
-Jet can hear Cord yelling - Do a back flip, do a sashay - "Am I really going to have to do all this stuff?" So they finally get started and it's going to be fun. Cord tells Jet to look for the start marker - Jet - I can't see anything you have to walk me through it (uh oh.)
-Brent & Caite get to the Tower and Brent's going to climb for them (that's a good choice since it's all arms.)
-Jordan & Jet are slowly walking around an empty room - if you didn't know what was going on they'd look like mental patients. Dan & Jordan get to the final goal and the clue comes up on Dan's screen but it's text spinning 'wicked fast' around Jordan's avatar and he's got to try to read it - yikes. They figure out if Jordan moves his head or body to the left it slows down... start spinning.
-Meanwhile Cord's got Jet in line to get through the first level but Jordan's standing right in the way. Jet won't bump into him or try to get around him. (Come on - he's being too nice to prove a point I think.)
-Cord hits the divider and tells Dan to move Jordan out of the way - Dan tells him to shut the f' up - Jet sticks his head around and says he's going to have one of the Star Wars guys take him out (Ooh, trash talking.)
-Jordan's getting dizzy, thinks he's going to throw up - Cord tells Jet to watch out. Jet says he thinks he's fixin' to start spinning around again. Dan, "Jordan, start fixing to spin around." (Ha - okay, at least they still have a sense of humour about it all.)
-Jet finally moves forward and they get to the next level.
-Dan is finally about to get the clue down - it went something like "Long, long ago, on a hillside not so far away they built a Polynesian haven called Tonga." Dan & Jordan are done - Dan starts yelling different instructions like Cord did to them but when he does it it's just douchey.
-They must now make their way to the Tonga room - a tiki bar - where their next clue awaits.
-The Cowboys get to the final level and the clue starts spinning around on the screen. Cord hopes he's not supposed to read that.
-Brent & Caite get to the Yoda statue - Brent says he's doing the directing so Caite heads in to get suited up.
-Dan & Jordan tell their cab driver they have to go to Tonga - the cab driver knows that one - and they're off.
-Cord's trying to read the clue - Shoot - where's the Slow Mo on this thing? (Come on guys, remember Jordan spinning? Hello?)
-Brent is now directing Caite - she's doing pretty well considering Brent's instructions don't make a whole lot of sense at first.
-At the Tonga Room they have to grab a trunk and take it to their next destination. There's a sticker on the trunk that says the Great American Music Hall. Dan & Jordan ask someone who says she knows the area where that is but she's never heard of it. Uh oh.
-Cord finally asks Jet if he's looking around - gets him to spin to the left and the words slow down. "Oh you idiot...That's why Jordan got so dizzy." (Oh My Gravy!)
-Brent & Caite get to the clue and it's going just as fast - Holy Schmoly.
-Dan & Jordan ask at the hotel desk (the Tonga room was in a hotel) about the Music Hall - they get directions and find out it's a 10-15 minute walk. Off they go carrying the trunk between them.
-Cord finally gets the clue down and Brent & Caite finish right behind them. Cord can't believe he couldn't figure that out (me neither - but he did get kicked in the head... I'm just saying.) They're all heading for the Tonga in the cabs when Caite asks "Where's all our money and stuff?" Brent -"Are you serious?!" They have to go back and get their stuff (Argh! Not the time to be screwing up.)
-Dan & Jordan are starting to have troubles with the trunk - it's big and getting heavy - they stop to change sides/arms and carry on.
-Cowboys get to the Tonga Room - Get their trunk and ask a cabbie where the music hall is - they get cross streets and literally start running through the street with the trunk like it's nothing.
-Dan & Jordan are still struggling a bit with the trunk - ramming it into each others legs - bickering. They finally get to the Great American Music Hall and get the next clue. Get Yourself In Order - Inside the steamer trunk are eleven psychedelic posters representing the eliminated teams and the three non-elimination legs - they must put the posters up in order of when the eliminations and non-elimination legs occurred - Once they get the order correct they'll get their next clue. Jordan says he's got this sewn up; he's written it all down. He says he's watched every season of the Amazing Race and he knows the final challenge is usually some kind of memory challenge so he prepared.
They flew through it and got the next clue no problem.
"Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, to get to the finish jump over to __________. (Oh, that's so simple.)
They take down all the posters and Dan shouts that he's figured it out - Candlestick Park (it took that long) he brags that he's a football fan so he was able to figure it out (I'm a nursery rhyme fan so I got it faster.)
They head out to look for a cab.
-Cowboys get to the Music Hall - they start putting up the posters - it's going pretty quickly for them too but not quite as organized.
-Dan & Jordan are having trouble finding a cab (and where are Brent & Caite, they stopped showing them at all.)
-Cowboys get the order right and get the clue - Jack be nimble, Jack be quick gave Jet Candlestick Park right away (huh!)
-Dan & Jordan finally find a cab... This is it!
-Cowboys get a cab - the driver asks them if the Rodeo is at Candlestick - It could be if we win this.
Inside the stadium all the eliminated teams are lining the way to the platform where Phil is waiting for the winning team - we watch the entry to the field and DAN & JORDAN win the Amazing Race!
(Wow, the dark horses pulled it out in the end!) They said it was the most incredible experience and solidified their relationship as brothers and best friends.
Cowboys came in second - they are also brothers and best friends. Jet says there are some things more important than money - the experience with his brother and to come through the race with their character and integrity intact - they can hold their heads high. (Oh, little dig there at the end.)
Brent & Caite came in third and everyone is clapping for them except Brandy (and Carol is doing a grudging slow clap) Jordan is yelling encouragement to Caite, his little Peach and Brandy whips her head around to glare at him. (Wow, get over it. She is so petty and immature - but wait it gets better....)
Phil asks Caite if she met her goals - she said she just wanted to prove she's an intelligent person (Lesbians give each other a look) she made it around the world and finished the race - she's very proud of herself.
-Phil stirs the pot - says Caite was the only woman left standing but there was another female team... Caite turns to address them, "Yes, and..." Brandy cuts her dead, "I don't want to hear sorry from you. You purposely whacked us. Other stronger teams like the Cowboys should have been U-turned but you're not able to think logically."
Caite - Maybe if you treated people nicer.. (EXACTLY!)
Brandy - Obviously you're not able to take it.
Caite - I am taking it, I'm standing here not you. (Yeah! You go Barbie! - I'm Team Caite on this one.)
Then all is forgiven as all the teams congratulate the finalists and winners. They will all cherish the experiences of the race. Jordan says he will hold on to this moment forever.
WINNERS - DAN & JORDAN =
-SHARON R.
-KIM B.
-CHERYL J.
-ANDRIA S.
Congratulations Everyone!
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