I Think We're Fighting the Germans, Right?
At the end of the last leg in Hamburg, Germany the teams headed out on a mobile Pit Stop and rode a bus to an undisclosed location (somewhere in France.)
-Jeff & Jordan, who were spared elimination last leg, will face an additional Speed Bump this leg - Jeff almost guarantees they won't come in last this leg.
-On the bus, Joe is icing his knee - "Imagine what I could do if I wasn't running on one leg?"
-Michael doesn't appreciate Joe's 'confident' (I'd say cocky) attitude. He sees himself as bigger than he is and Michael'd like to see him go.
-The bus takes them to Les Monthairons (France). The next morning Michael & Louie are the first out (they believe they're in France.) They must drive themselves to the town of St Menehould and find a specific bakery, buy a baguette to get the next clue which is baked into the bread. Michael says their police schedule has prepped them for this race, dirty clothes, eating little, lack of sleep. They see a postal worker and get directions - who knows the streets better than a postal worker (smart.)
-Steve & Allie are the next out. He's 57, the oldest guy still in the race, Allie thinks he's rocking it so far. What's a baguette? It's bread. I knew that. Sure you did.
-Joe & Heidi next out - I think she's a bit of a princess - they have unconditional love and she's taking in the French countryside.
-Cowboys next out - we took the bus from Hamburg to here - they look around - wherever here is. Cord - We need to buy a fresh 'bag-oo-ette', whatever that is. Jet - I think it's a pastry, I wonder if we get to eat it. (I do wonder where these two are from - they seem so sheltered.)
-Carol & Brandy - Say, 'It's us against them - as a united front we'll do better." (We'll see if they can practice what they preach.) Brandy says her French is getting mixed up with her Spanish - Franglish.
-Dan & Jordan are the next out and they do a little celebration dance when they see the car's an automatic.
The Detectives get to the bakery and get their baguette - Michael keeps asking if he has a clue as he rips the bread in half... and there is the clue baked inside. It tells them to make their way to Le Main de Massige - were they'll find their next clue.
-Eating the best baguette they've ever had, they speculate if this is going to be a massage place - Far from it I'm afraid.
-Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi looking for the bagel place (oh boy) Heidi gets directions from a local on the street and yells to Steve & Allie to follow them - these teams have each others backs. They get the bread and quickly find the clues inside. Heidi thinks it was worth it just to get the bread. (Mmm, bread.)
Brent & Caite finally start out - they stop at a gas station to buy a map (oh, the irony - many people in the US don't have maps and some such...) The guy gives them directions to keep going straight down...this road? (Oh, man.) In the car, Caite says after they get the baguette she's going to eat the crap out of it (poor choice of words there.)
The Detectives get to Massiges and see guys dressed in vintage uniform and get the clue to the DETOUR - In the Trenches or Under Fire. Dressed as American dough-boys, the teams must join their French allies in WWI and carefully pick their own battle - In the Trenches: clamour into a WWI trench and choose a communication area, using only their field manual as a reference they must translate a message being sent to them in Morse code (over old earphones, with the battle raging around them.)
Under Fire: the teams get on their bellies in a muddy field booby trapped with barbed wire, then crawl 100 yards to a machinegun nest while the battle rages around them, they must receive a message from a French soldier then crawl back to safety. In both cases teams must attach their message to a homing pigeon who will deliver the news to headquarters... that the War is Over - and they'll get the next clue.
-The Detectives not good with Morse code so they decide to crawl through the mud - Clue says 'Caution, U-Turn ahead' (Oh goody, drama.) They go to get dressed up.
-Jet & Cord, Brandy & Carol and Dan & Jordan pulling up to the bakery. The Cowboys get the baguette first, Jet bets the clue's inside, and it is - they run back out to the car as the other teams come in. Jet can't get the clue unrolled however and the other teams pass them while Cord unrolls and reads it (ooh, lots of butchering of the French names tonight.)
-Caite & Brent get the bread and the clue - she's mouwing the bread - really glad it doesn't have any crazy crap in it. Nice.
-Steve & Allie, Joe & Heidi get to Main de Massiges and get the clue - none of them want to attempt Morse de-coding - Joe insists he can crawl with his bum knee - they go to change for Under Fire.
-Detectives get to the field - It's crazy - explosions, tri-planes flying over, soldiers shooting nearby - Michael, "I think we're fighting the Germans?" Louie - "WWII, French vs Germans" (close.) Louie's a little out of shape - lots' of huffing and puffing and coughing up of lungs. (I feel ya, buddy. Crawling with all the gear under barbed wire would be really tough.)
-Jordan & Jeff finally head out (good 2 hours after the first teams) They believe they're the best. She's driving but doesn't understand the streets and they keep going in circles - She gets upset that they're so behind. He's saying they can't get down now - they just started.
-Michael urging Louie on - Cardio, cardio, cardio - come on Louie. This is the coolest (It really is an elaborate and cool Detour.) They get the message and have to head back - give Louie a second to catch his breath (is his face supposed to look like a tomato? Don't have a jammer man.)
-Steve & Allie and Joe & Heidi are heading out to the field, Joe is urging them on ahead as he's limping with his knee and it's slowing him down - but he'll get there. At the task, Allie & Heidi a little scared with the explosions and planes flying over - it's like real war. The Detectives pass them going back the other way - Hey Fellas.
-Brandy & Carol and Dan & Jordan get to the Detour - they all choose Under Fire. We're crawling, Carol - OMG, we're going to get dirty.
-Detectives send their message off (as Louie coughs up alung) and they get the next clue which tells them to head south down the road to get their next clue. They get to the Blind U-Turn where they can force another team to complete the second Detour task and don't have to put their picture up (but they're the first ones there so it'll be obvious anyway - if they use it...) And they choose to U-Turn Joe & Heidi!
-During the bus ride they heard Joe saying none of the other teams worried him and they think he needs to be taken down a peg. Louie - He needs to be humbled - period.
-Detectives get the next clue to march into town and find the Church de Massiges to get the next clue.
-Brent & Caite see 'some kind of flying things' (those would be airplanes) as they are driving to the Detour - they decide to do the crawling through the battlefield - she feels like she's modelling out of style army clothes in the outfit (She should just not talk - I'm really not seeing her as any smarter than I originally thought.)
-Dan & Jordan heading out to the battlefield - Jordan suggests they start running like someone's actually after them - Dan's game - but then Jordan gets tired and snaps at Dan for making him look bad (?) (Who's the whiny baby?) They get to the crawl and Dan says he's having so much fun right now (I bet a lot of little boys would have loved this task.)
-Carol's sock (I think it's a foot wrap thing) is all messed up and as she stops to fix it the Cowboys run by them - See ya! (Ha ha, I love them.) Not happy to get passed, especially by the Cowboy.
-These three teams are now all crawling under the wire.
-Jeff & Jordan finally get to the bakery - they get the baguette and Jeff's asking for the clue - No, that's it. What do I have to do, eat it? He takes a bite, and then rips it in half - OH... They take off for Le Main de Massiges.
-Steve & Allie, Joe & Heidi sent their messages and head down the road where they learn Joe & Heidi have been U-Turned. Joe - I never imagined we'd be U-Turned (Shouldn't have been running your mouth then.) The crawl did a number on his knee. Heidi thought Michael & Louie were nice guys and they got along (then you're not very observant.) Joe's looking forward to giving them difficulties now... they head to the Morse code task.
-Detectives get to the Church where, inspired by the inaugural Tour de France in 1903, they'll wear traditional riding gear and ride antique bicycles built 100 years ago on a 4 mile course to the Pit Stop. (Oh boy, I hope Louie can make it...) Actually Louie is doing much better on the bike - Michael says if they can get rid of Joe, that's a good day.
-Back 'In the Trenches', Joe & Heidi are trying to hear the Morse code message - think it's probably the same as the message they got from the other task so try "Vive Le Liberty" - Nope, that's not it.
-Back at the crawl, Dan & Jordan and the Cowboys get the message and head back.
-Jeff & Jordan now driving through the countryside, not sure where they're going - they ask directions - Jordan whining - we were just here. Jeff - we'll never catch up with this attitude.
-Brandy is still crawling through the wire - all her gear keeps getting stuck - she's so pissed off about this right now (Oh, negative-Nelly, get over it.) She never wanted to roll around in the dirt and be a boy, this wasn't what she signed up for (Me thinks she's got some gender role issues that this Detour is stirring up.)
-Brandy, still beaking off to Carol about how pissed she is to be crawling through the dirt on their way back now - "Smart people do Morse code, dumb people do this" and they cut to Caite & Brent (Hahaha!) Caite, "whoo, this is cool!" Brandy, "See what I mean." (Wow, she really is a pompous cow.)
-Caite, "Those mean lesbians, let's gain speed on them."
-Joe & Heidi trying again with the Morse code - she's frustrated seeing the teams behind them finish - Joe says it gave him a drive to see it through (whatever, you're not as good as you think you are, Coach.)
-Steve & Allie head out on the bicycles - she looks so cute with her fake French moustache.
-Michael & Louie win the Tour de France and are Team #1 for this leg again. They both won a 55in HDTV.
-Dan & Jordan still in uniform, walking to the church - Jordan, "I don't like guns, I like swords." (Hahaha, holy double entrendre.) The Cowboys come up on them and jog on by - they saw the opportunity and took it - Dan & Jordan don't think it's that big a deal at this point but if it proves to be, they won't let anyone pass them- next time.
-The Cowboys get on the riding costume - Oh, hey - they don't have their cowboy hats on, I wonder if Jet tried to get it on over the helmet and this mushroom hat. On the bikes Cord says why he likes horses better than bicycles - you don't have to pedal horses.
-Dan & Jordan, also on the bikes, Jordan - "Do I look like Lance Armstrong or do I look like Lance Armstrong?" (Nope, you look pretty ridiculous actually.)
-Carol & Brandy on the bikes in costume, complete with moustaches (I wonder what Brandy thought of that...) she snaps at Carol that she takes spin classes she should be kicking her ass at this - Thanks for that sweet tone. (Yup, she's a sweetheart.)
-Joe & Heidi still having trouble with the code - Heidi is ready to cry.
-Brent & Caite can't figure out South - go South down the road - do they mean that direction or just go that way? (What? What else can 'Go South' mean?) They look at the compass on his watch and turn around.
-Jeff & Jordan finally get to Massiges and have to do their Speed Bump - to Reinforce a section of the trench using branches - once the army engineer is satisfied they can go on to the Detour and try to make up lost time. Jordan can't get her uniform sorted - whines the hat is too big, her boot's untied, her foot wrapping is dragging along - Jeff is disgusted, she's wasting so much time.
-Brent & Caite get to the Church (missed the U-turn clue box altogether) - get the clue to the Pit Stop - head out on the bikes. She says, "We did good today, baby." (Oh no, they're the 'baby' team, there's one every season.)
-Jeff & Jordan finally get to the trenches for the Speed Bump and see Joe & Heidi there - excited that they may still have a chance. Joe & Heidi try the code again - Vive Le Victoire? Nope.
-Jeff & Jordan get the speed bump done and are heading out to do the crawl - Joe & Heidi know how long that should take them so they try with renewed vigour - Vive le France? No.
Here's How they Finished:
1) Michael & Louie - Phil asked them about using the U-Turn - Michael says, "There are sheeps and wolves and we're wolves.
2) Steve & Allie - Second again (they seem nice but they are still pretty boring.)
3) Jet & Cord - Back in the top 3 - good for them.
4) Dan & Jordan - bickering on the bikes but happy with fourth place.
5) Carol & Brandy - giggling with Phil about the silly moustache's - the humour kicks back in when they're not racing but Brandy is still a b*tch.
6) Brent & Caite - HOWEVER... they missed the clue after the detour so they have to go back and get it before Phil can check them in. They get back on the bikes and head back to the church...
-They get back to the U-Turn - Gasp... oh good, we weren't U-Turned - they grab the clue and head back again.
-Jeff is frustrated with Jordan's lack of focus and lack of urgency in trying to win a million dollars - yells at her to put her boobs on the ground and drag them over here.
-Joe & Heidi - she's crying - We're not stupid people, it just goes so fast. They try "The War is Over" - Nope, they're still not going anywhere.
6) Brent & Caite - were able to return before any other team finished and were still team # 6.
7) Jeff & Jordan - know they're both hard-headed and hope they can learn to bend to do better in the race.
And finally Phil goes 'In the Trenches' and tells Joe & Heidi that all the other teams have checked in and they are ELIMINATED from the race. They know it was Michael & Louie who U-turned them and Joe's not happy about that but it's part of the game. They just can't believe Morse code did them in. Didn't think it'd end so soon but they had a great time anyway and so happy they have each other.
*I can't believe I forgot to put this in originally - Phil told them the phrase they had to de-code was:
We Will Prevail, Vive la France. - I think that was the impossible task. Why did they make it so long?
I'm not sorry to see Joe & Heidi go, they weren't my favourites, but making that task the U-Turn was kinda mean, in my opinion.
So, wow, that was a surprise elimination this week - with Joe & Heidi eliminated, that means, Denise R, Lindsay J, Christine I and Chiquita D are all out of the pool. It was the 'Most Shocking Elimination Ever' well, almost - I don't remember Phil having to go out to uncompleted tasks twice in one season before - it's tough going this time around.
Preview of next week - Brent & Caite clash (fighting) then crash (ruin a champagne glass pyramid) Uh oh, trouble for the pretty people.
Have a great week everyone,
Coleen
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